Is the nice girl syndrome a way of suppressing a part of yourself?
Your past experiences are affecting your ability to sell and distance you from your true self.
In society, there is a set of expectations that influence our behavior. Positive behavior is often commended, while negative actions are met with criticism. However, women are particularly conditioned to conform to specific roles such as being a good girl, an ideal wife, or a nurturing mother. From a young age, women are taught to prioritize others' needs, to be accommodating, to prioritize others' well-being, to exhibit gentleness, and to suppress their own emotions for the benefit of others. Women are anticipated to embody traits of respectability, soft-spokenness, and elegance.
How does it express itself?
In childhood:
When you're a child, especially girls (0-7 years). You learn to be nice, quiet, polite and docile.
Say hello when you don't feel like saying hello.
Go and help cook.
Babysitting siblings while your friends go out
Not be too noisy
Don't show your emotions
Get good grades at school
They learn that to be loved and accepted, I have to have certain comportment, such as passing off the needs of others as my own, to receive a complication. We learn to be submissive and to forget our emotions.
Picture from Pinterest.
In adulthood :
This is expressed by :
Wanting to succeed absolutely
Careers their parents have chosen
Self-sabotage
People pleaser
Fear of saying no
Lack of prioritization
Savior Syndrome
Doing more than others and giving too much
Being pretty, having the perfect body
Perfectionist
Ashamed of having weaknesses
Fear of confrontation
You have to look good all the time to avoid disappointment from your parents, especially if they've made sacrifices for you.
Fear of being yourself, because you feel insecure
They embrace masculine energy, focusing on independence, hard work, and perfection while neglecting their feminine side. Prioritizing self-love, creativity, intuition, compassion, and collaboration takes a back seat. The current focus is on survival, adapting to both personal relationships and professional endeavors.
What does this mean for women entrepreneurs?
The pick me content
Expressing their thoughts can be challenging whenever women focus on themselves, particularly in entrepreneurship. This struggle is often linked to the "good girl syndrome," where conforming to societal expectations brings validation but also entails wearing a mask that hides authentic aspects of oneself to blend in.
I don't want you to lose your authenticity by creating content just to please others rather than following your true passion. Avoid falling into the trap of producing what I like to call "pick me content," where you prioritize pleasing algorithms over expressing yourself genuinely. Perhaps you convince yourself that once you reach a certain number of subscribers or a specific turnover, you can freely share your thoughts. You may think that having a certain level of support will grant you the legitimacy or confidence to speak your mind without fear of judgment. However, in reality, you are trying to control a situation that is beyond your control. You might feel pressured to conform a certain way to gain acceptance.
Lack of customer boundaries
One of the things I've experienced myself is not setting boundaries with customers. I'll give you several examples:
Answering your clients after working hours (e.g. at 11pm or 7am or on weekends)
Your hour of coaching becomes 3 hours of coaching to give your best.
Spending hours in DM with subscribers, even though this is included in your paid service
Fear of really creating the business of your dreams
fear of raising your prices
fear of talking to your dream clients
fear of telling your customers the truth
fear of disturbing people by posting every day
fear of making an offer
fear of pivoting
How do you get out of this syndrome?
I'm not going to tell you to do the opposite, because for me, if you behave like that, it's a protective mechanism to always feel safe. If you have validation, then you're loved. We have a problem with surrendering and low self-esteem.
To do this, you have to become the prize. To be convinced that we deserve and that our voice counts.
Here's my plan to get out of the nice girl syndrome:
The first week is awareness.
You have to observe yourself when you tend to behave in this way:
self-sabotaging
pleasing others
suppressing your emotions
not prioritizing your needs
The second week is why
The best way to stop a behavior that's deserting you is to understand where it came from and when it started (e.g. fear of being judged or feelings of insecurity).
If you're having trouble, I invite you to buy this deck of cards that will help you reconnect with yourself and your feminine energy.
The third week is action
When you started your business, you did it for yourself, then for others. It would help if you recapture that feeling.
Challenge yourself about your business:
publish a post you've been wanting to post, but haven't dared
raise your prices
talk about your offer
set limits for your customers
say goodbye to non-aligned clients
Week 4 is about working on yourself
Start putting yourself first, and taking care of yourself. This is how you'll become the prize and see your business and your life become much more interesting.
If you want to understand all the steps, read this article :
Liberating yourself from the cycle of people-pleasing and reclaiming your power through self-love.
If you want more information, these books that you can read :
This is the third post of the Substack challenge Sparkle on Substack 24 Essay Club run by Claire Venus from Sparkle on Substack. Please visit the linked page above to join!
Have you ever refrained from discussing something out of fear of offending?
XOXO