The Glow-Up Trap: Discover why the pursuit of perfection often results in self-sabotage and disillusionment.

The Myth of External Validation: Finding Confidence Within

Apr 01, 2024

You've always followed what society told you, go to school, get a degree, and have a job that brings you money to be happy. You do what you thought was right for you, but you realize that you're like a robot where life is all about going to work and home, only enjoying your time at the weekend, but you're so tired that if you enjoy yourself on Saturday, you'll be tired on Sunday and therefore the whole week. You accompany this malaise either with anxiety, anguish fed by unanswered questions, or by using food to control it, or by losing control, or by using substances such as alcohol or others to forget your malaise, the fact of not being nourished by your life, of not feeling at your place. At the same time, everyone tells you that you're lucky to have this job because you're well-paid. so you're a shadow of your former self. But one day, after your boss has given you a hard time for nothing, or one of your colleagues makes an unbearable remark, or you've broken up with someone, or you just can't stand it, you go into the bathroom, cry and say to yourself, this has got to change. It's time to heal myself. It's time to find myself or to find happiness, to feel good about my body, and to look for that happiness that adults have promised me but at the same time promised me because my life boils down to going to work and paying the bills.

What is holistic healing? It's recognizing that there's a link between physical and mental well-being. If you're not well in one area, for example, you're stressed all the time, it can affect your mental health, but it can also lead to insomnia, loss of appetite increased hunger, headaches, or even ulcers. If we heal only the physical symptoms, until we heal the ailments, then this will have an impact on our lives. The aim is to heal both to finally find a balance. A bit like emotional wounds, if you look at the wound of humiliation, if you don't have aches and pains, you can have a particular physique such as an accumulation of belly fat, the fear of asserting yourself, the fear of taking your place and the feeling that you're not enough. This goes back to the relationship with the parent you felt humiliated by (usually the same-sex parent). You have a special relationship with money. They're in a precarious situation, punishing themselves with money because they have trouble saving, paying bills late, or losing everything.

Healing has become super popular over the last 4 years, especially in 2020, we've seen a lot of people losing weight, changing their environment, leaving the city to live in the countryside or abroad or changing jobs. There's a movement where everyone wants to change and that girl movement has developed such as Becoming Her, 75 Hard Challenge, etc... This has been seen as coming out of a world where capitalization and money are important to I focus on myself, my mental health and my body to understand who I am, who I want to be, what my identity is and what I want to do in my life. There are lots of YouTube channels, TikTok Instagram to promote glow-up, reset your life, or change your life in 90 days. This feeling that it was easy to change.

But the problem is the same people don't tell each other the truth, phrases come :

Is this possible for me?
Will people like it if I change?
Do I really want to change because I'm afraid of the unknown?
Am I ready to say no to situations where I used to say yes, for fear of being loved less or finding myself alone?
Do I have the strength to find myself alone instead of going out at the weekend to eat better, stop drinking, and say goodbye to people who criticize me?

For most people, the answer is no. I'd even go further: am I ready to ask for help? Take a therapist, take a coach if I want to change my professional situation? or directly I don't have any money, and I'm afraid to bother.

In reality, you're afraid of getting back together with yourself, saying goodbye to your old self, and saying thank you. It's much easier to see others, to look at their problems, to complain or to eat instead of changing, to understand why and learn to say yes. to understand your traumas, your blocks, your fears and to reprogram yourself because you can it's hard. If you think it's easy, it'll be easy. To get out of the automatism to control your thoughts to take your life back into your own hands to create the life of your dreams. That's why I created these questions that I asked myself, to get me out of the comparison. It's in the description. Instead of being at this age, I thought I'd have a 15K a month business, be married with kids, and have a house of my own, but here I am. So download this diary. 5 years ago you were in the same period. You'll see your evolution. You can't start this change by being in fear, in one mind it's too difficult because I can guarantee you that in 1 year you'll still be wondering why I don't have this life while my friend or this influence has this.

What does this have to do with entrepreneurship?

Entrepreneurship pushes you to work on your personal development, with your fears, your blocks, or your self-worth, i.e. the value you carry. If you feel that :

I'm not good enough
do I deserve to be paid this price?
before investing in myself, I need to ask my husband or my family
I don't have enough money while you're spending on Uber Eats, shopping, or restaurants on holiday
I don't feel like posting, I procrastinate or you have to be perfect before you do it
I wait until I have a customer before selling

So you're not ready to have your business because yes strategy is important but you have to be ready to take responsibility and say if I don't have results it's my fault and I have to understand where these behaviors are in my business? How does it manifest itself in my personal life? What wound is activated?

If you apply all the strategies but you can't sell, then it's your mindset, if you can't invest in yourself, it's your lack of confidence. If you're able to spend on anything but yourself, then you think you're not capable of having the business of your dreams.

I wait until I have a customer before selling

The fall of the glow-up or healing in the case of Alivia D'Andrea. If you don't know Alivia is an American YouTuber with over 3 million subscribers her account exploded because she wanted to lose weight. She started filming her transformation. But every time she took a break or put weight back on, she stopped filming. Her subscribers were worried, but above all her haters said she wasn't filming anymore because she'd put weight back on, because she couldn't stick to her diet. The pressure was on. After 3 years, she posted a video 3 weeks ago in which she explains how her search for "glow up" destroyed her. In this video, you feel those she showed:

she hated herself,
she didn't want to show that she was a failure.
she wanted to destroy her old self so she wouldn't humiliate or shame her.
she's angry with herself

The problem is that she thought that if she reached her dream weight then her problems would go away. She put so much pressure on herself that she thought her weight loss was the solution to all her problems. Her story attracted a lot of people to Sela's channel, and she put a lot of pressure on herself. But once she reached her lying weight. With this pressure she wanted to be perfect, she criticized herself, talked to herself by mail and so she put on weight again.

I can also draw a parallel: when you're an entrepreneur, you say to yourself, I can see it with my customers, when I have customers, well, I'm going to feel legitimate when I have this turnover, so I won't have any more problems. So it paralyzes you, you don't do the actions where you self-sabotage because there's so much pressure.

That's where the problem lies, the external gaze, the external validation. The pressure was what people would think. I see the same thing with my clients when they're developing their business. They're looking for likes, subscribers, they're selling and then they're paralyzed. They’re afraid of failure, afraid of raising their price because they're afraid of being validated by others, not by themselves.

She didn't accompany herself until very late in her glow-up and when she allowed herself to tell the truth about her relationship with her body, her goals, and her mental health, she needed help. this cost her depression, unrealistic expectations, self-loathing, and the feeling that you have to accept others in order not to disappoint them.

Some of you say you want to change, but it's not true that if you want to have the business or the life of a real person, you can work an hour a day, especially if you have a job.

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