Distraction is the reason why you hate your life

Unmask Your Potential and Crush the 'Behind' Mindset

Aug 12, 2024

From a young age, we are conditioned to believe that happiness is a checklist: achieve certain criteria, and you'll be happy. The real problem is that social media shape our definition of happiness. We scroll through endless feeds of people flaunting their aesthetic lifestyles, exotic holidays in Bali, picture-perfect families, or hitting their first million in just a month. If you don’t fit this mold, you feel like you’re falling behind, stuck, and trapped in bad habits that prevent you from changing your life or feeling proud of it.

When your current reality feels worlds away from the vision you hold for your life, it's tempting to start blaming yourself. After all, if you're not where you want to be, you must be the problem, right?

Wrong. The real issue isn't you - it's the unrealistic standards that society bombards us with every single day. These relentless expectations sabotage us, making us feel perpetually behind and inadequate.

Instead of being vulnerable and sharing our authentic stories, we retreat into comparison. We scroll endlessly through social media, desperately trying to keep up with the carefully curated lives of others. We don a mask and escape into distraction, avoiding the dissonance between our dreams and our current reality.

This vicious cycle is especially insidious for women entrepreneurs. They get stuck not because they lack strategic know-how, but because they've been conditioned to doubt themselves and keep their true selves hidden. The constant comparison undermines their confidence and progress, preventing them from reaching their fullest potential.

But it doesn't have to be this way. When we have the courage to face ourselves honestly, to shed the masks, and to share our messy, magnificent stories, something powerful happens. We realize that we are not the problem - the problem is the unrealistic, patriarchal standards that have been holding us back.

Let me share a raw and candid personal example with you. Back when I was working as a researcher in Canada, I was absolutely miserable. Not only did I hate my job, but I was also trapped in a deeply toxic relationship. Instead of confronting those painful emotions and making the necessary changes, I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms - binge-eating and endless TV binges. I lost myself in a desperate quest for external validation, through both my relationship and my unfulfilling career. I was completely out of touch with my authentic desires and my inner wisdom.

This imbalance between my masculine and feminine energies was crippling. I was constantly in a state of striving and control (that's the masculine side), while also grappling with debilitating comparison, jealousy, and a profound disconnect from my intuition.

The problem is, we're conditioned to believe that it's normal and expected to stay trapped in a life that doesn't suit us, just as long as we have the trappings of success - a decent income, a relationship, the appearance of having it all together. From a young age, we're spoon-fed this false narrative that the only path to fulfillment is to follow the rigid script of "work, house, children." We're never taught to know ourselves, to trust our intuition, or to honor our creativity. Instead, we're left in constant survival mode, always measuring ourselves against the flawless facades of the influencers we scroll past on social media.

The result? We're left with two agonizing choices.

Either we stay stuck in that toxic world, numbing ourselves with alcohol, drugs, food, or an endless cycle of mindless learning without taking action...all the while comparing ourselves to others and slowly destroying our self-worth.

When I first started my business, I'll admit, I fell hook, line, and sinker for the siren song of social media. I spent hours upon hours scrolling through perfectly curated feeds, convinced that I had to emulate those airbrushed "influencers" if I wanted to find any success.

Instead of boldly expressing my authentic voice and vision, I became obsessed with reverse-engineering their content strategies. I pored over analytics, dissecting the "perfect" hooks and captions, all in a desperate attempt to manufacture that elusive virality. And you know what I ended up with? A grand total of one measly like. Talk about deflating.

The problem was, I had fallen prey to the myth that my story and my unique gifts didn't matter. I'd become so conditioned by the relentless cultural programming around happiness and success - from my parents, from society, from the toxic cesspool of Instagram - that I truly believed I had to conform to a certain aesthetic and persona in order to be worthy.

Sound familiar? I know I'm not alone in this. So many of us female entrepreneurs get stuck in this vicious cycle, constantly comparing ourselves to others and trying to force our square pegs into the round holes of someone else's vision. We end up spending more time strategizing and optimizing than we do actually creating and connecting.

But you know what? Enough is enough. The ral problem isn't distraction itself - we all need moments of rest and play to be productive. The issue arises when we use those diversions as a crutch, a way to numb ourselves and avoid the messy, uncomfortable work of self-discovery.

If we want to break free from this pattern, we have to get brutally honest with ourselves. What's driving that compulsive social media scrolling or that stress-induced binge-eating? Why do we feel so behind, so inadequate compared to our peers? And what would we do differently if we weren't constantly sabotaging our own progress?

These aren't easy questions to answer. In fact, facing them head-on can be downright terrifying. But I truly believe it's the only way forward if we want to create businesses and lives that are truly fulfilling. No more half-measures, no more pretending. It's time to peel back the layers, shed the masks, and step into the fullest expression of ourselves.

So let's do this together, shall we? I'm ready to dig deep and uncover the root causes of my distractions and self-sabotage. I want to reconnect with my core desires, my intuitive wisdom, and my innate feminine power. And I'd love for you to join me on this journey.

Start by reflecting on those key questions I mentioned. Jot down your answers, get real with yourself. And if you're feeling stuck or need a little guidance, drop your thoughts in the comments - I'm here to listen and support you every step of the way.

The key is to understand why you distract yourself by facing the truth. Ask yourself these questions:

Why do you feel like you’re falling behind?
What distractions do you use to escape reality?
What do you truly want to achieve?
If you weren’t sabotaging yourself, how would you act?

The path ahead may be messy, but I know it will be oh-so-worth-it. Let's reclaim our narratives, redefine success on our own terms, and create the fulfilling, purpose-driven lives we know we're destined for. Who's with me?

Or, we choose the harder path - facing ourselves and our fears head-on, in order to finally step into the life we know we're destined for. It’s time to identify which areas you need to work on.

The 5 Feminine Connections: A Roadmap to Wholeness and Fulfillment

As female entrepreneurs, we're often so laser-focused on the tactical side of building our businesses - the strategies, the content, the optimization - that we can lose sight of the deeper, more holistic elements that truly drive sustainable success.

That's where the 5 Connections of Femininity come in. These five interdependent realms are the keys to unlocking not just our professional ambitions, but our deepest sense of personal harmony and fulfillment.

Abundance

Are you struggling to consistently grow your revenue or manifest the financial abundance you desire? This could be a sign that you're stuck in a scarcity mindset, endlessly procrastinating or getting lost in the social media scroll. It's time to rewire your relationship with money and start trusting in the flow of prosperity.

Feminine Power

Do you find yourself trapped in a cycle of comparison, jealousy, and creative blocks? Or are you stuck in perpetual "doing" mode, constantly searching for the next strategy or hack? This points to an imbalance in your feminine and masculine energies. Reclaim your intuition, ask for support, and prioritize rest and self-expression.

Mindset

Do you frequently feel inferior to your peers or struggle with the "nice girl syndrome"? Your money mindset may be stuck in a place of lack and limitation. It's time to challenge those deep-seated beliefs and step into your authentic power.

Environment

Are you terrified to truly put yourself out there and sell your offers? This could stem from toxic dynamics in your family or relationships, or an overemphasis on maintaining a perfectly curated aesthetic. Clear the energetic clutter and create a nourishing, supportive environment.

Body Relationship

Do you neglect your own self-care, experiencing unwanted weight fluctuations or turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like food, drugs, or alcohol? Your relationship with your physical vessel is a crucial piece of the puzzle. Treat your body with the love and reverence it deserves.

When all five of these connections are in alignment, that's when the magic really happens. You unlock a profound sense of wholeness, clarity, and unwavering confidence. Your business becomes an authentic expression of your unique gifts, and your impact grows exponentially.

But getting to that point of harmony isn't always easy. There will be ups and downs, breakthroughs and breakdowns. The key is to approach this journey with self-compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to dive into the messy, uncomfortable work of self-discovery.

I know this path intimately - I've been there myself, caught in the trap of constant striving and comparison. But I also know the profound fulfillment that awaits on the other side. So let's embark on this transformative exploration together.

Where do you feel the most out of balance right now? Which of these five connections is calling out to be healed and reclaimed? I'm here to listen, support, and provide the guidance you need to step into your fullest feminine expression. The world is waiting for the wisdom and brilliance that only you can bring.

Conclusion

Breaking free from the cycle of comparison and self-sabotage is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. It's time to recognize that true happiness isn't found in the perfectly curated lives we see on social media, but in embracing our authentic selves and unique paths.

By understanding the root causes of our distractions and facing our truths head-on, we can begin to rewrite our stories. This isn't about achieving an idealized version of success overnight, but about making consistent, mindful choices that align with our genuine desires and values.

Remember, you're not falling behind – you're simply on your own timeline. By reconnecting with your feminine energy, addressing scarcity mindsets, and nurturing your relationships with yourself and others, you can create a life that feels fulfilling and true to you.

The path forward isn't about perfection or meeting external standards. It's about progress, self-compassion, and the courage to define success on your own terms. As you let go of comparison and embrace your unique journey, you'll find that the happiness you've been seeking has been within you all along.

This is the 8th post of the Substack challenge Sparkle on Substack 24 Essay Club run by Claire Venus from Sparkle on Substack. Please visit the linked page above to join!